If I were to ask you how women become highly successful, what would your answer be? An Ivy League degree? Working long hours? Choosing a hot industry or employer?
Nope, nope, and nope.
Highly successful women know that you have to deploy both grit and grace. They unabashedly and aggressively invest in themselves. They bet on themselves. And they are unapologetic about it.
But they also offer themselves grace. Why? Because you cannot bully yourself into performing at work, at home, or in a relationship.
I learned that lesson the hard way when I was simultaneously going through a divorce and the most painful part of recovering from breast cancer. I was in a lot of emotional and physical pain, but I was determined to perform. I was going to show up, lose thirty pounds, and run a marathon.
(Yes, I thought I was going to run a marathon in the middle of all that.)
The medicines I was taking put a lot of weight on me, so I would get up at 5 or 6 in the morning to go running. I would literally fall asleep while I was running. Who does that? Fall asleep while running?
I did that.
I was going to the gym so often that the gym gave me my own key! I was officially a gym rat. It was my young, but wise beyond her years, personal trainer who finally said to me, “Cheryle. You cannot bully your body into submission.”
I stopped all the crazy workouts and manic running. Guess what happened? When I began to rest and sleep the way my body needed to, the weight began to fall off.
You cannot bully yourself into performance.
It’s okay to be hard-charging and on your mark. To be resilient. But you can’t sacrifice yourself to do that—because offering yourself grace is what powers your performance.
You need both: grit and grace.
So what tactics do highly successful women use?
They operate to win. They lean into their strengths. They don’t mess around with stuff that they’re just “okay” with. They don’t waste time doing things just to prove to other people that they can. They aren’t chasing the next “hot” sector or industry. They are very clear about what their strengths are. They operate from a place of passion. Your strengths and passion are sustainable. Today’s hot industry or skill won’t be.
They are Career Free Agents. Highly successful women don’t silo themselves into one vertical. Because they understand what their strengths and skills are, they know how those translate into other fields. When you understand how your skills and strengths transfer, you can start choosing opportunities irrespective of sector.
They are intentional about their power pack. Their network is not just a random group of people they’ve collected over the years. There are no one-off friendships. They are strategic and highly intentional about who they roll with. They don’t let other people hijack them. Their power pack is strategically aligned with them and represents where they’d like to be. People in your inner circle should be doing double duty— feeding your professional advancement and feeding your soul. They should augment and amplify the path you’re on.
Their mindset is different. Highly successful women know how to have boundaries that protect themselves, their time, their energy, and their talent. But they also know how to tear down the boundaries that keep them from opportunities, resources, and a seat at the table. Back in 2007 when I was the communications director and press secretary for the governor of Illinois, my mentor asked me if I was interested in being the communications director for Joe Biden’s presidential campaign. When he asked me that, I was really taken aback. And the first thing I said was, “Do you think I could do that job?” His response? “Don’t be a girl about this.” I wanted to know what he meant by that—because he was a friend and I knew he wanted only good things for me—so I asked him to explain.
He said that women feel like they need to have every single thing in place before they feel qualified to do something. Men, on the other hand, if they have one thing on a list of ten qualifications, they feel qualified! He pointed out that I had just spent three years as the communications director for the governor of the fifth largest state in the country; I’d been the national spokesperson for Amtrak and saw them through 9-11; I used to be in charge of brand communications for NPR, one of the most respected media brands—and I was asking, “Do I think I can do this?”
But I couldn’t see myself in that role. I had put self-imposed boundaries on myself. Nor had I seen other people like me—a black woman—in that role. Society puts boundaries on us, too. Highly successful women know how to blow past those boundaries.
Here are some women I admire for the way they exemplify the power of grit and grace:
Carla Harris, Vice Chairman of Wealth Management at Morgan Stanley. She’s performed twice at Carnegie Hall to sold-out audiences. She’s a great singer and doesn’t need to hide that in order to be a power player in finance. I used to hide the fact that my degree was in drawing and painting. I thought that people wouldn’t take me seriously. Embracing all your sides and not limiting yourself is how you become iconic.
Mellody Hobson, Co-CEO & President of Ariel Investments. She’s also a nationally recognized voice on financial literacy and has chaired the boards of multiple organizations in the education and arts fields. She can out-work anyone, but she’s also laser-focused and leans fully into her strengths.
Cynthia Erivo, an Emmy, Grammy, and Tony Award winner (also nominated twice for an Oscar), whose career now encompasses a debut solo album. To perform, she powers down. She runs marathons and clears her head by listening to no music.
And then there’s Oprah Winfrey who, as a journalist, was told that she was too emotional when she reported stories. Her emotional investment, her caring about the subjects of her stories, is her strength. So she left broadcast news and launched the Oprah Winfrey Show, a better vehicle for her talents and passion.
Highly successful women find the courage to move in these areas—to unapologetically go after what they want while practicing grace with themselves when they need it. And the only place where you can find your courage is right next to your fear. But you know what? Fear is like a shadow—it’s much bigger than the source it’s bouncing off of. Face that fear, right-size it, and the courage will be there.
Download my 5 Secrets of Highly Successful Women: https://www.g2coachlearn.com/5-Secrets-of-Highly-Successful-Women?
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